An Apology Addressed to Nobody

Clearing old emails, Stefan found a message he had written to his former friend Alex but never sent. It was an apology for missing Alex's exhibition ten years earlier. Stefan remembered having an unavoidable work emergency. The draft, however, mentioned being tired and deciding to stay home. He read it twice, offended by his younger self's inconvenient honesty.

He searched the surrounding messages for evidence of the emergency. There was none. There were restaurant reservations for the following evening and an enthusiastic discussion about a television series. This did not prove he had been carefree, but it weakened the explanation he had repeated so often that it had hardened into a reliable account of their falling out.

Stefan found Alex's professional address and began a new message. Halfway through, he wondered whether contacting him would be generous or merely an attempt to obtain relief. Alex had not asked to reopen anything. Stefan shortened the apology, removed the account of his recent discovery and said there was no need to reply. Then he sent it before polishing it further.

No answer came that week. Stefan checked more frequently than he wanted to admit, then moved the old draft into an archive instead of deleting it. He could correct the story he told himself without receiving confirmation from the person he had disappointed. On Saturday, he attended another friend's exhibition. He stayed only an hour, but he had told her that beforehand.